The return of the multigenerational household

In a multigenerational household, there will be at least three generations of people living together; the grandparents live under the same roof as their adult children and grandchildren.

When I was a child most of my friends lived in multigenerational families, and I longed to be a part of such a family. We lived as a family of three children with only our parents. Thankfully my mom was a stay at home mom, so we always came home to a home cooked meal and never had the experience of after care and day care. We also lived in a time and area when neighbours were an extension of family so just by crossing an imaginary boundary you found yourself in a home away from home and this provided a sense of an extended family network that was lacking in our home.

The western trend of nuclear family, gained favour even in collectivist cultures whose very success depended and thrived upon multigenerational relationships. While the trend seemed to benefit individuals achieve progress in certain areas where socioeconomic gains created opportunities for greater independence and privacy became highly valued, the benefits seem to lack the initial lustre it once enjoyed.

The so-called “Indian household” in South Africa, is one of those cultures, which thrived within the trials, and benefits of the multigenerational family, especially during repressive apartheid years.
Now we are seeing a significant trend reversal in the West. The multi-generational American family household is staging a comeback — driven in part by the job losses and home foreclosures of recent years but more so by demographic changes that have been gathering steam for decades.

This could also be attributed to the increase of Hispanics; Asians added to the Black families who have continued enjoy the benefits of the collectivist cultures. In Europe too, however, multigenerational families are on the rise, with figures higher than America, where there has not been mass migration of the collectivist cultures.

Because cultures adapt and change, a variety of new configurations are displayed even in small communities. Even within collectivist cultures, there seem to be many differences in the relationships. While some of these differences are driven by socioeconomics e.g. where parents or breadwinners are migrant labourers or workers, and decision-making for family responsibilities move to other members who normally would not share in them.

Also intercontinental and cross country migration by families results in the offspring being more adaptable, and in most instances amenable to adopting the cultural trends while their parents align themselves to the country of their origin. These shifts could result in tensions that affect the fabric of family life and cause problems, which are difficult to overcome.

Other changes like rapid socioeconomic shifts could induce a new mind-set and change family dynamics to such an extent that alienates parents and siblings from each other culturally.

It is during the festive period when family responded to my invitation to converge at my home to celebrate, that I began to reflect while still in the midst of the evening about how infrequently we share time together. We still communicate with each other regularly. However with all my siblings living in different provinces, and the children away from home at university, there has been little time to truly engage with each other the way we used to.
I experienced nostalgia for those times when we all did share our lives under one roof as siblings. Then later after marriage, we all lived fairly close enough to enjoy many shared family interactions and never felt the vast gaps we now feel.
Seeing how quickly nieces and nephews have grown and changed, I felt a sense of loss in not being able to share more closely in their lives.

Watching my kids greet their grandmother with real and intense fondness after prolonged absences during their university years also makes for heart-warming scenes. I remember them being so little and following their doting grandparents around, paying careful attention and absorbing every detail and copying it to good effect even in their absence. Now they stoop to gather their grandmother in their arms, to greet with equal tenderness that she used to once showed to them.
It is with usual regret that an evening comes to a close too soon to be able to enjoy cherished moments, which will echo in thoughts and memories for years to come.